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So, I met this girl on a dating app. Super cute, artsy, kind of chaotic in a way that made me suspicious she might have lost her car keys at least three times that week. Perfect.
We decided to go on a picnic date. Romantic, simple, low-pressure—except I forgot one tiny detail. I’m allergic to grass. Like, full-blown, red eyes, sneezing, looking-like-I’ve-been-crying-all-day allergic.
I didn’t want to seem weird, so I brought a blanket and figured, “I’ll be fine!” Spoiler: I was not fine.
She brought homemade sandwiches. I brought… a slow descent into allergy-induced misery. Five minutes in, my eyes were watering so much that she thought I was getting emotional over her story about adopting a cat. Ten minutes in, I sneezed so hard I knocked over our lemonade. Fifteen minutes in, she was googling “Can a person drown in their own snot?”
Finally, she looked at me and said, “Are you… okay?”
And I, in my most charming, totally-not-dying voice, said, “I’m allergic to the concept of being outside.”
She laughed so hard she nearly choked on her sandwich. Then she packed everything up, drove us to an ice cream shop, and we spent the rest of the date indoors, where I could breathe like a normal human.
we were together for 1 year, unfortunately it didn’t work out.